Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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