You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
