That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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