We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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