Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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