So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
