Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
