I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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