I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
