i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
