It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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