Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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