Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
