I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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