how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
