we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
