is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
