ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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