yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
