ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
