There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
