Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
