She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
