Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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