I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
