good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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