At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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