I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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