3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
