It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
