I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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