girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
