his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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