well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
