Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
