I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
