so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
