he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
