Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just cropdusted the office
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
