:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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