why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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