Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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