recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
