the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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