Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
