she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
