I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
