Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
