Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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