well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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