very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
