the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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