Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm always down for nudity.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
