when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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