mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
